I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
