you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Im part way to drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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