You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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