I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
