I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
