I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
