Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
