I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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