Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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