he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
