I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
