Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
