If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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