When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
