If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
