in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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