Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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