Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
