I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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