3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
