while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
