it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
