my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
