i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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