so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
