You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
