I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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