No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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