You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
