We're like a lot better than the average bears
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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