Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
