She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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