Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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