Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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