I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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