Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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