In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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