i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
