He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am naked and annoyed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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