I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
