she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
