I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
