theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
