He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
