Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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