How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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