that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
