and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
