There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
