Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
