True but thats because hes a fetus.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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