first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
