how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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