So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
