When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
